Some things really bother me. I’m not sure how we select our pet peeves, but somehow, we all end up with a list.
My biggest pet peeve is people who can’t make up their mind at a fast food restaurant. When it’s their turn to order, they say, “Ummm, let me see what you got.” If I weren’t a believer (and even then, it’s a challenge) I’d wrestle them to the ground, yelling, “They’ve got hamburgers and chicken. Which one do you want?”
Another pet peeve is people who use the fill-in-the-blank method of singing. We all know someone who sings only every third word. Remember the old hymn, “Send the Light”? I would sing, “Send the light,” and off to my right I could hear a deep voice singing “light.” I sang, “The blessed Gospel,” and again, the voice sang only “light.” Sometimes, these singers fill in only part of a word. That hymn’s chorus ends, “Let it shine forevermore,” but all I heard was “more.”
I have many other pet peeves: Telemarketers who call during mealtime. Drivers who pull out in front of you and then only travel 10 miles an hour. People who use the last sheet of toilet paper and don’t replace the roll. People who are late. People who let their dogs jump on you and laugh, saying, “Fi-Fi likes you.” People who crack their knuckles while talking to you. Finding a piece of bone in my hamburger (that’s not really a pet peeve, but it grosses me out).
I wonder what God’s list of pet peeves might be. Since I can only guess, here’s what I think His Top Ten might look like:
1. People who go around saying, “God told me.” I’m not sure these name-droppers even know what I sound like. I get blamed for lots of things I had nothing to do with.
2. Only hearing from people when they’re up to their armpits in trouble. Yes, I’m glad they call on me. But don’t they realize I want to walk with them through the good times, too?
3. People who make my Word boring. No wonder so many don’t want to listen. Some of those sermons even put me to sleep. You have to work really hard to dull down my Word, which is alive and sharper than a two-edged sword. It has drama, comedy and I even threw in some romance for the ladies.
4. Parents who don’t understand I want to use their children to build the Kingdom. Yes, some of your children are dorky. Some of mine are, too. But I’ve designed them to enlarge the Kingdom and bring glory to me. Teach and release them to go into all the world. That will make them happy—and me, too.
5. Famous people who thank me when they get an award. I scratch my head when I see someone get up and thank me for making movies that break all 10 of my commandments. Would someone tell them I don’t work on the brownie point system but on a loving, ongoing relationship? Remind them also that if they love me, they’ll keep my commandments.
6. I’m with Walker on those who use the fill-in-the-blank singing method. If you don’t see the words on the screen, maybe you could try the old-fashioned way and look them up in the hymnal.
7. Unopened Bibles people carry around for years. You might as well carry around the Yellow Pages. At least that book has coupons in the back. Mine doesn’t do you any good unless you hide it in your heart. And if you’d opened it, you might have read that verse.
8. People who use my name and follow up with a reference to a structure that holds back water. My name is holy and deserves reverence. But I’ll have the last word, and for some, damnation will follow.
9. People I’ve blessed with money who spend it on themselves. I guess they don’t realize I could have as easily placed them in a third-world country. I bless you so you can help those who are need.
10. Those of my children who don’t understand the word “go.” I made it short and even put it in my name. Go is two-thirds of God. Yeah, I thought it was clever, too. I even sent my Son to establish a sending agency called the church, but it has become more of a gathering place than a going place. Only a few will wander away to share the Good News about me.
Please don’t hold me to this list of God’s Top Ten Pet Peeves. But what bothers God should bother us. If it doesn’t, we may need to make sure we really belong to Him. Do you?