When I began college at OBU in 2000, freshmen received a picture directory of their class, complete with a short bio under the picture listing the student’s hometown, major and personal interests. Imagine a church directory, except this version was given to 18 and 19 year olds desperate to find a date!

I remember one picture distinctly – she had red curly hair and was looking off into the distance, not at the camera. She listed her hobbies as laughing and talking, two things I had very little interest in.

Under my picture were exciting, normal hobbies: golf and reading. (Let the reader judge who had the more impressive bio!) Long story short, and you’ve already guessed it, I ended up marrying that girl.

Needless to say, the differences didn’t stop with our freshman directory pictures. One of the greatest joys (and challenges) in life has been learning to appreciate the differences between us in marriage. Plus, the willingness to appreciate differences extends to how we relate to other family friends, especially our kids, and to friends and neighbors.

How to Appreciate the Differences

Show Gratitude, even in the small things.

  • Appreciating means valuing the other person for who God created them to be.
  • Brag on the other person, especially in public.
  • Celebrate the person’s character (who they are) even more than you celebrate what they do.

Beware Unfair Expectations

  • You won’t be perfect and neither will your spouse or friends.
  • Notice the strengths, and expect the weaknesses (remember that you probably have a log sticking out of your own eye).
  • When you’re tempted to become bitter or closed off, instead choose to be curious and supportive.

Grow Together

  • Appreciating differences doesn’t mean excusing sin or never challenging the other person to grow. Appreciating differences builds a foundation of trust that allows for hard conversations.
  • Every good aspect of our personality comes with a shadow side. Through the gift of a trusted marriage or friendship, we can experience God’s sanctification and healing.
  • Ask: How can I help the other person become who God created them to be?

Appreciating Differences in the Church

The appreciation of differences is reflected most beautifully in the ultimate mystery of marriage, the Church. God has provided a variety of gifts, perspectives, experiences, and personalities in local churches, and this diversity of the Body of Christ extends to cities, regions, and the global Church. Across our state and around the world, we need churches of various sizes, styles, and approaches. Appreciating differences is a hallmark of Oklahoma Baptists! Legacy churches and church plants. Urban, rural, and county seat. Ethnicities, socio-economic levels, musical styles, and more – we are unified in Christ and diverse in appearance and expression.

When we have baptisms at Emmaus, the person being baptized writes a personal testimony to be read by a family member or friend immediately prior to the baptism. After the testimony is read, the person being baptized is asked, “What is your confession?” With believers across the centuries, the response is: “Jesus is Lord!” This proclamation of Christ as Lord reinforces the unity of the Church; the person’s unique testimony about their journey of faith teaches us to appreciate the differences among believers. All for the glory of God!