Just Joe – Something Like That Could Kill You

Well, it happened again at the end of last month. The Lord blessed me with another birthday. I made another trip around the sun. The problem is I have had so many of those pesky little trips that seem to be happening more quickly all the time that I have experienced a little dizziness.

I have noticed that these confounded birthdays have impacted me in some rather unique ways. For example, it hasn’t been too long ago that I was pretty much oblivious to most things around me, except for bacon, or bacon cheeseburgers, or bacon and eggs. You know—the essential things of life.

But as I have aged, I think I have become more observant. I’ll run that statement by my wife and get an official ruling but I think I might be more observant. But at least I think I have begun to observe how things today are different from the way things used to be.

For example, when I was growing up and my mom or one of my grandmas baked a cake, they always put a raw egg or two or six in the batter. Once the batter was stirred, we kids would beg for the opportunity to lick the spoon. We would eat the batter, raw eggs and all. Today, raw eggs will basically kill you (unless you’re Rocky—he could drink all those raw eggs, but Apollo almost killed him).

Another example has to do with drinking out of water hoses. When I was growing up, we could hardly walk by a water hose without stopping for a drink. If you let the water run long enough the water would be so cold it would hurt your teeth. Today, if you drink out of a water hose, it will kill you.

I am told that death by water hose is because of some sort of bacteria in the hose. I think leaving a hose in the hot Oklahoma sun will raise the temperature inside the hose to somewhere over 517 degrees which should officially destroy any bacteria hiding in the hose. So, letting the water hose run until the water gets cold should flush out any dead bacteria that had been living in the hose. Otherwise drinking from a hose can kill you.

Here’s another one. When I was growing up, the only safety gear we had to wear when we were bike riding consisted of shoes or cowboy boots. It is not that clothing was optional. It was just reinforced that we were to wear shoes or cowboy boots. Wearing shoes was supposed to keep your big toe out of the chain which would keep your big toe attached to the end of your foot which is the best place for your big toe to be. Today kids get wrapped in a couple of layers of bubble wrap from head to toe before they get on a bike, because we all know riding a bike can kill you.

The next example I will give you has to do with watching television. Today, we have access to innumerable TV channels. But when I was growing up, we basically had four channels unless the weather was just right and we could pick up one channel from Tulsa. But to get any of those channels, we had to go outside and turn the pole until the antenna was pointing in the direction of the TV station.

For those young ones who are suffering through this, let me explain a little. An antenna was a metal fan-shaped object attached to the top of a metal pole. There were some wires that ran from the antenna, down the pole, and eventually into the back of your TV. Somehow the TV picture ran down that wire and into your TV where—TADA!—you could see the TV show. The higher the pole was in the air, the better chances were for an acceptable picture on TV.

That was pretty much OK when it was a bright, unclouded day. But on more than one occasion, my dad sent me to the front porch during a thunderstorm to turn the metal pole with the metal antenna on it, so he could have a clearer picture on the TV. Obviously I must have been a little more expendable than I thought I was. Antenna adjustments can kill you.

Here’s something to remember. If you should forget and eat some batter complete with raw eggs, run outside and wash your mouth with a water hose. If you should forget and not let the water in the water hose cool off before you try to drink it, you should put on your shoes, get on your bike, and ride for help. If your big toe falls off, grab it or call a tow truck. You might need it later.